Welcome to Al-Anon!
You may have come to help a loved one with a drinking problem. What we have found most helpful, surprisingly, is to keep the focus on ourselves. We take comfort in the 3C’s: we didn’t cause another’s alcoholism, we can’t control the drinking, and we cannot cure it. But together we can recover, one day at a time, from the profound effects that alcoholism has had on us. We must put on our own oxygen mask, as airlines remind us, before we can help anyone else.
Al-Anon is for everyone affected by someone else’s drinking. Our sole purpose is to welcome and give comfort to families of problem drinkers. We respect anonymity, within and beyond the rooms. We are affiliated with no other entity, and charge no dues or fees. These ideas, and our other Traditions, make Al-Anon a safe space for mutual support. After years of struggling on our own, at long last we can meaningfully connect as we share our experience, strength, and hope. It is a joy to watch one another recover, each at their own pace, each in their own way.
We hope to see you at a meeting soon. In the meantime, be gentle with yourself. Your recovery is already beginning!
We can’t stop the rain, but we don’t have to get soaked!
Photo by Mary G, Baltimore Al-Anon member
1. Do you worry about how much someone drinks?
2. Do you have money problems because of someone else’s drinking?
3. Do you tell lies to cover up for someone else’s drinking?
4. Do you feel that if the drinker cared about you, he or she would stop drinking to please you?
5. Do you blame the drinker’s behavior on his or her companions?
6. Are plans frequently upset or canceled or meals delayed because of the drinker?
7. Do you make threats, such as, “If you don’t stop drinking, I’ll leave you”?
8. Do you secretly try to smell the drinker’s breath?
9. Are you afraid to upset someone for fear it will set off a drinking bout?
10. Have you been hurt or embarrassed by a drinker’s behavior?
11. Are holidays and gatherings spoiled because of drinking?
12. Have you considered calling the police for help in fear of abuse?
13. Do you search for hidden alcohol?
14. Do you ever ride in a car with a driver who has been drinking?
15. Have you refused social invitations out of fear or anxiety?
16. Do you feel like a failure because you can’t control the drinking?
17. Do you think that if the drinker stopped drinking, your other problems would be solved?
18. Do you ever threaten to hurt yourself to scare the drinker?
19. Do you feel angry, confused, or depressed most of the time?
20. Do you feel there is no one who understands your problems?
Have you answered “Yes” to any of these questions?
You’ll find in Al-Anon many people who have faced similar challenges. They would be happy to share with you what has helped them.
- Do you constantly seek approval and affirmation?
- Do you fail to recognize your accomplishments?
- Do you fear criticism?
- Do you overextend yourself?
- Have you had problems with your own compulsive behavior?
- Do you have a need for perfection?
- Are you uneasy when your life is going smoothly, continually anticipating problems?
- Do you feel more alive in the midst of crisis?
- Do you still feel responsible for others, as you did for the problem drinker in your life?
- Do you care for others easily, yet find it difficult to care for yourself?
- Do you isolate yourself from other people?
- Do you respond with fear to authority figures and angry people?
- Do you feel that individuals and society in general are taking advantage of you?
- Do you have trouble with intimate relationships?
- Do you confuse pity with love, as you did with the problem drinker?
- Do you attract and/or seek people who tend to be compulsive and/or abusive?
- Do you cling to relationships because you are afraid of being alone?
- Do you often mistrust your own feelings and the feelings expressed by others?
- Do you find it difficult to identify and express your emotions?
- Do you think parental drinking may have affected you?
Have you have answered “Yes” to any of these questions?
You’ll find in Al-Anon many people who have had similar experiences, who will gladly share with you what has worked for them.
- Each meeting has its own flavor, so we suggest that you try six meetings before deciding whether Al-Anon is right for you.
- Al-Anon is a mutual-support group, where everyone is an equal. We have all experienced a problem with someone’s drinking.
- We share our experience, strength, and hope. We don’t give advice.
- Al-Anon is not a religious program, but rather a spiritual program. Even if a meeting is held in a religious center, your religious affiliation — or lack thereof — is of no concern to the group.
- Members’ professions or affiliation with other 12 step programs are not discussed during Al-Anon meetings.
- Because we keep the focus on ourselves, rather than the alcoholic, many find Al-Anon very helpful even though their loved ones suffer from other addictions. The companion program to Narcotics Anonymous is Nar-Anon, but the Twelve Steps are utilized in dozens of programs. In Al-Anon we can learn to take care of ourselves, regardless of what is happening around us.
- Anonymity means that we respect the confidentiality of who attends a meeting, and what is said. When out in the community, we don’t divulge another person’s attendance at an Al-Anon meeting. If asked, we may simply identify another member as “a friend,” or “a friend of a friend.”
- After the closing is a great time to ask questions and get a phone number or two. Speaking with new members gives each of us a wonderful opportunity to reflect on the progress we’ve made in our own journey of recovery!
Al-Anon’s gentle process unfolds gradually, over time. But those of us facing violent, potentially life-threatening situations may have to make immediate choices to ensure safety for ourselves and our children. This may mean arranging for a safe house with a neighbor or friend, calling for police protection, or leaving money and an extra set of car keys where they can be collected at any time in case of emergency.
It is not necessary to decide how to resolve the situation once and for all — only how to get out of harm’s way until this process of awareness, acceptance, and action can free us to make choices for ourselves that we can live with.
Anyone who has been physically or sexually abused or even threatened may be terrified of taking action at all. It can require every ounce of courage and faith to act decisively. No one has to accept violence. We all deserve to be safe.
-How Al-Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics
Alateen is a part of Al-Anon, just for those ages 9-19, growing up in a family affected by alcoholism. Alateen groups meet weekly, both in-person and online, though the number of members is still lower than before COVID. This web page will direct you to more information. The button at the top of this page offers free Alateen literature, either in print or as an electronic book. Please keep an open mind!
including spouses, siblings, children, friends, parents, and grandparents. You can read some of their stories here. Al-Anon welcomes everyone who seeks to recover from these effects!
This interactive map is a great way to search.
This website offers lists of local meetings for each day of the week, and announcements including temporary closings.
Global electronic meetings are nearly nonstop, and this page conveniently corrects for time zones.
A paper directory of local meetings will be included with any request for literature. We hope to see you in person soon!
Al-Anon’s World Service Office (WSO) offers many resources for professionals. Please contact the local Outreach Coordinator, Robert W., with any suggestions or requests!